Deadline

I don’t think I’m good in meeting deadlines. Sometimes I’m late. Mostly, I’m postponing things until very short before the deadline, panic, and get it done somehow.
Do the taxes. Write birthday cards. Glue together an Advent wrath. Look over Jan’s homework.

There’s a word for it: Procrastination.
I don’t feel better with this word. I know there are two kinds of procrastinators: The lazy bones who simply hate being forced to do certain things (like being asked by your mum to tidy your room AT LAST!). The others need the adrenaline caused by the deadline constraint.
I guess I’m of the first type.
There are simply things I don’t like to do, and although I know that procrastination doesn’t get them out of the way, I try to ignore them...


My life has been quite turbulent since the beginning of the year. A sequence of personal ups and downs. Lately, I feel like an old cart horse being forced along the trodden path, although it necessarily needs a break. Put yourself together, move on!, people seem to yell. You can’t break out!
Move on, I do. Putting myself together. Trying to hold on to something that I consider no longer as my way. Pondering if it ever was. And why I chose to move in that direction anyway.

I know that life is the consequence of the choices we took. And sometimes, it seems that life is so miserable if we go on living the way we do.
That might mean it’s time for me to rethink the situation or my attitude towards it. Or make another decision with other unknown consequences. I am a little afraid to even think of the consequences, although my head tells me I should at least try. But lately, head and heart don’t seem to communicate too well.

So, a few months back I made myself a deadline. I should have thought about my situation thoroughly until my next birthday.
A few days ago, my dear friend Anke asked me whether I still held on to this date. I guess so. Although it’s drawing nearer and I can’t see any development in my thoughts. Oh yes, they’re whirling around. I don’t want to make a mistake I might regret. But then again, not doing anything might be the mistake in itself. Damn.

I keep asking myself if it’s not silly to set myself a deadline until which I must have made a decision. But on the other hand, life’s too short to wait forever.
At least when you’re miserable.
This is going to be a hard one.