Yellow

"'Yellow,' he thought and stomped off back to his bedroom to get dressed.
(...)
'Yellow,' he thought. The word yellow wandered through his mind in search of something to connect with."

Douglas Adams - The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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Did I ever mention that "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is one of my favourite books? How I whish I had a "Hitch Hiker's Guide to Life, Universe and Everything" ;-)
However, each and every one has got to write his or her own guide... But there's one thing all of them should have in common: It should have the words "Don't panic" inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover...

Anyhow, where was I?
Yellow.

For approximately one and a half years, bulldozers, excavators and other utility vehicles have been driving rallyes behind our house.
Once upon a time, when we moved in here, there was an anti-noise barrier consisting of an earth wall that slowly became overgrown with shrubs and trees and other plants. Behind that, there were football grounds, and behind those, the rivulet.
Then, the city council decided that there be housing estate. So, in came the excavators. They took away the earth wall, then dug over the football fields, and for seemingly ages now, they're building the streets and footpaths. I mean, I understand that it takes them so long, because they're always driving around in their excavators, back and forth, from the left to the right and back.
Today, a truck load of paving stones was delivered at 0540 a.m.. That's even five minutes before we usually get up, and I'm not such an early bird, so this annoyed my a. lot. Usually, work starts at 0600 a.m., even on a Saturday.

Now that it hasn't been raining for more than one week, and temperatures have reached 37 °C (approx. 99 ° F) in the meantime, the utility vehicles raise a lot of dust so that it might not have been a good idea to put out white laundry to dry in the sun...

But what I really loathe is the noise.
As I said, it begins at 0600 a.m., and sometimes doesn't stop before 0800 p.m.. Vehicles driving. Bulldozers bulldozing (oh how I wish they were dozing!), angle grinders and saws grinding their way through various materials, trucks unloading, hammering, etc. etc..
The point is, when I go to work, it's not quiet at all, either. The company next door does laser and die-cut, and you can not only hear the blanking, but feel it on many days.
Leave alone the usual day-to-day sounds like washing-machines or (on these hot days) fans or the extractor hood in the kitchen.

I got so sensitive to noise, that some days I feel like I'm going crazy...

FIFA foe fun

So the FIFA world cup is officially over, and congrats to the Spanish team. You gotta really admit that they played a great football (although the final game against the Netherlands was not one that was really mentionable; the game concerning the 3rd place (GER - URU) was far more thrilling (and others, too).

When the world cup took place in Germany four years ago, I was a bit sceptical regarding all of the flag waving and such, but I'm getting used to it, and I even watched a lot of the games (especially of the German team, of course, who are on a good way, but cannot match the Spanish team as of yet).
Public viewing was the thing to do, and if people didn't join in the crowds on market places, they watched together with their friends while having a barbecue.

The sight I liked most in these days was this one which I captured with my cell phone camera in our town.


I like the multitude of flags - it seems like every nation participating in the world cup games is represented. An international community of football lovers. This is how it should be.

Harrumph

One, two... anyone still here?

Sorry guys, that was a long hibernation, wasn't it?
Actually, I was thinking about giving up blogging at all. There used to be a time when I loved writing. I answered e-mails immediately, I seemed to be constantly online, and I used to keep a journal. And I blogged quite frequently.

No more time for that, it seems. I might write about all the obstacles that kept me from writing, but I'm not in the mood tonight.Though, I have the impression that I miss writing.
And then again, I needed the time for myself, when I was seemingly offline. (Be assured, I wasn't, I just didn't want to comment. Actually, I felt kind of detached of everything. Of myself. Of my life. Oh, BTW, I still do! Anyways.)

Sometimes, puzzle pieces seem to find their way on their own. On other occasions, you'll need to wreck your brain, or use plain force to get the pieces where you think they should be...
Sometimes, things fall into place. That might not be the place you always thought it should be at. But then again, it's not as horrible as you imagined it might be.
(Beatin' about the bush, somehow, hen? So what.)

What I just thought was this: Peter Pan is a jerk (and Pippi Longstockings, too, BTW).
You can't refrain from growing up. In fact, you shouldn't. The important thing is not to lose your humor, your fantasy and your lust for life. THIS is the horrible thing that happens with so many grown-ups. THIS is what I wanted to prevent.
And this is what I failed terribly at.I guess what we fear in the process of growing up is this: growing old, growing unhappy, growing cranky. Nobody wants to stay a child. Because a child is commanded. It is commanded to bed every single night. It is told to do this and leave that, and it is very seldom in command of itself. (Although many children's books try to put up an image of self-assured, self-determinded kids, reality will soon provide a different concept).

So, what are grown-ups? What makes an adult adult? It is the capability to make decisions, even (and even more) when those decisions might offend those around us?
As a child, we are taught to obey. At least, we learn from the reaction of our fellow human beings, that some of our decisions might be more acceptable than others. Growing up means dealing with rejection, or with more or less subtly verbalized wishes of how we should be - in other's minds.
Many of us (espacially the female) are educated in a way that we have a strong sense of what others expect of us. And we want to go that way, because we want to be loved and accepted.
To grow up, in this case, means, that we should follow our own heart, no matter what is expected from us. If we don't, we will always be remote-controlled, like a child, and even worse. (Yes, I know that we all try to manipulate others to match our wishes. But they needn't obey. And we have to learn to accept that, too!)

To grow up also means to learn to bear loneliness. To understand, that even in a relationship you might feel alone. Actually, you ARE alone. Because there are places in your mind, places in your mental state, where noone can follow you, and noone can offer relief. Some things you have to work out on your own. Which might mean that you'll have to wait and endure tough times until...
...things fall into place. Or force them. Or walk away and start anew.

I don't think that everything is in its place for me right now. But I have got the premonition that at least one or two of my big issues might be endurable for the time being, or that I'll be able to live with those, soon, or make a decision that will be more comfortable for me.
And I simply know that - as for the issue of growing up - I don't want to resist that anymore. Because that would mean I would hinder myself from growing. And as long as growing doesn't mean growing old and grumpy, I might as well welcome the process.
Go figure...